When I decided to walk away from my last abusive relationship, it took me an extremely long time for my heart to heal. I was so gutted that it was over and everyday I would wake up feeling empty and unable to cope with not seeing that person again. My friends and family would tell me that my ex was not treating me properly, but I was in constant denial. I didn’t want to listen most times as I kept on thinking that everyone else is in a relationship and I’m not, so how will that make me feel better. I began to isolate myself from everyone as a result!
I remember making calls to my ex even when I wasn’t supposed to and acting like a desperate fool most times, coming across as needy and utterly lonely. My self esteem was at its lowest point and I suppose when someone is chipping away everyday at your very being, it does eventually get the better of you and this is exactly what transpired during that very dark period of my life. When I decided to cut of all communication with him, it felt like the most difficult thing in the world for me to do. I would feel sick everyday as a result, I stopped eating properly and lost a ton of weight by the all-consuming sadness. I recall feeling like I was doomed in every relationship. I felt like I would be abused in some way every time I would give someone an opportunity, and it just made me feel like I was meant to be alone. So I decided that I should be eternally single and live my life alone with my son. As soon as I managed to get over that hump after making that decision to live my life minus a significant other, I found true happiness within myself which then enabled me to find my one true love that I was meant to share this beautiful life with. We all have to go through these painful stages in life to learn and become who we are meant to be. I always remember that I can’t truly be happy with anyone else if I am not truly happy within ❤