Being in a relationship is not only fulfilling but when you are in the wrong one, you can be so blind and in denial about your feelings and the current reality of the situation. I remember being so naïve in both my previous relationships, that even when people would alert me of what was happening, I would be in denial mode at all times. Despite me knowing that I was in toxic relationships, accepting the reality of the relationship is difficult and thus my defensive behavior whenever I would speak to anyone about it.
My life always seemed to be falling apart in my past relationships, just when I thought we were “Happy”, something would happen, something would be said or done, that would obliterate any signs of normality in my life. I guess having a child, would make me feel like I needed to try even harder, but that didn’t take away from the fact that it was a pointless exercise. Whether it was an accusation of there being someone else or been accused of something petty for no reason and which was farthest from the truth, I would just go into blindfold mode and act like these things were impossible. I would constantly argue and fight to save something that was so destructive, but I felt like a failure if I didn’t try to salvage the relationship. I did eventually walk away from the dismal men I was involved with, but not after a decade of struggling through the most painful period of my life. You live and learn even if it does take 10 years to face reality ❤