Fists can be overcome…

Coming out of abusive relationships truly did take a toll on my capacity to love as a human being at the time. The idea of having to trust someone again and not be dismissive when it came to seeing negative attributes in a person was not an easy hump to get over. During my first abusive relationship, which was both physical, verbal and psychological, I didn’t feel like I was able to do much to change the dynamic of the relationship. I didn’t feel like I had the power within myself to take a stand and walk away at the time. I was young and naïve and because we shared a child, I was fearful of what might happen to our child as well as myself. Being threatened daily because I would utter that I couldn’t put up with this any longer, was as far as I would go in terms of taking a stand, and the threats would deter me for a period until I would reach that stage again. I would look at my son and wonder if I had the ability to be a good mum to him minus his father. I would look at him and wonder if he would be fine without seeing his father daily or whether he would grow up despising me for changing our family dynamic.

When I realized that I had to divorce, it was not a popular decision to take within my culture at the time. A divorced woman with a child was frowned upon and despite me having gone through all the abuse, I would still not be viewed in a respected light. Thankfully, that didn’t deter me at all and I proceeded with the divorce and finally being set free from all that was keeping me in complete shackles.   That relationship changed me in that I was able to stand up for myself much more than I ever thought I could, however I still had much learning to do. I knew that I would no longer stand for anyone trying to hurt me physically, but trying to prevent emotional and psychological abuse seemed much more difficult to control. I had to go through all of these individual types of abuse to learn how to prevent each one separately. Life can be weird sometimes; just when you think you have overcome something, another challenge crops up and shows you that your struggle is never quite over.